Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in mercury127's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, October 12th, 2008
11:38 pm	"I'm out there running just to be on the run," Oh bugger. I said after I deleted my Facebook account that I'd update here once a week... Well, 2 day's late isn't that bad I guess. So, what have I been up to? I've done a lot of sketching, finally worked through my artist's block and polished off my back catalogue. So I'm back to chasing that dream again. Feels good to be working again though and I do think I'm improving. 4 weeks into my Japanese lessons now and I'm really really starting to get freaked out by the prospect of the exam. The speaking I can get, the listening I'm getting...the reading? Fills me with dread. Still I got my course books and so I shall persevere and hopefully I'll get it. Going to a convention in a couple of weeks. I was thinking of Cosplaying as: http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2007/11/19/amazon-box-robot-fig.html (minus the the amazon.co.jp stuff) and so I've been collecting odd boxes or scraps of cardboard for weeks. I had two perfect boxes for the head and the body then on my way home tonight - jackpot! One of my neighbour's had a new coffee table delivered and left all the packing materials outside. Enough cardboard to make 2 full suits! Box man was meant to be! I might post either photos or a link to the finished suit when it's done. There's a tiny voice that's saying examining this situation proves how frakked up and childish I am ... that my neighbour's got an expensive glass coffee table and what excites me more than getting that for myself is running around dressed as a cardboard robot...but the flip could also be true. That I am a wonderful innocent who is entertained by a load of free cardboard to the extent that some people would pay a lot of money for something pretty but not terribly useful. It all comes down to perception/perspective. Might not do the Cardboard robot thing on both days. Day two I'm torn between Zabuza (from Naruto) or Boogiepop (from Boogiepop). Zabuza pros: From Naruto. Get to carry a massive sword. Might meet a cute boy who's playing Haku and get some cool photos. Probably my favourite character from the show. Zabuza cons: From Naruto. Have to make a bloody massive sword. Boogiepop pros: Less well known. Get to wear a cool cape and hat. I'm in love with the series right now. I could rewear the costume for Halloween the week after. Boogipop cons: People might not know who I am. Have to make a cool cape and hat. Technically I should probably be a girl...even though in other books Boogiepop has posessed guys they might not know that...and I don't know if people will buy it if I don't also wear a girl's school uniform...which yeah. So, on that I shall probably be Zabuza. Oh well. Still, I like swords so...:) Hmm. Other than that, any news? Not exactly. Still need to try and come up with something to do on my birthday. I'm thinking coffee in Camden in the afternoon turning into pub crawl in the evening. Not sure though. I might just try and get people to go see some Fireworks with me. Hm. For now though, bed. Wish me sweet dreams? Current Mood: excited Current Music: Alabama 3 - The Speed Of The Sound of Loneliness (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 4th, 2008
12:45 am	Just an announcement,... As I can't think of another way of doing this, for those people who might not log in when they come here to read this... There will be an entry that is friends locked immediately following this. So please, if you want to read it, and are my friend, log in. It's not that I'm squeamish about what I'm going to write more that I know how fickle fate can be and so I don't want anything I'm about to say to be freely available by some unlucky bastard google search for the ensuing social drama it could cause. That said, on with the motley... (Comment on this)
Monday, September 29th, 2008
1:09 pm	"Oh, just when you think you're in control..." I just deleted my Facebook account. For those of you who know me on here, don't worry, this won't be disappearing any time soon. I'm also going to try and update once a week from now on, even if nothing too interesting has happened. I just finally got sick of the whole pretense of 'social networking'. Half the people on my friend's list I haven't spoken to in years and ok a few I wish i'd spoken to more but on the whole I felt like I did so little there... And it was vaguely depressing to log in day after day and see my friend's fantastic lives that I now feel disconnected from. Even if said disconnection was at least partly my own choice. Dressed head to toe in black again for the first time in ages. I've missed this... I turn 25 in a month. All the shit I've been through; the people I've lost, the times I've had my heart broken, all the scars and wounds my flesh has suffered... If I could go back and change anything...I wouldn't change a damn thing. Not one damn thing. Current Mood: irritated Current Music: Here It Goes Again - Ok Go (Comment on this)
Monday, August 11th, 2008
10:43 pm	“I’ve really been on a bender and it shows…” It’s been 16 weeks apparently. Since I last updated this. Has anything changed? Yes and no. Some stuff so trivial and mundane to note it would be pointless. Some stuff so deep I’d rather impart with my voice than just leave it hanging in the electrical ether. So how about a joke instead? What’s got two legs and bleeds everywhere? Give up? Half a dog. Hahahahaha. For some reason I couldn’t stop laughing at that on Saturday morning. Though the answer for that might as simple as the fact it was 6 am and I’d been awake for nearly twenty four hours. I did try to sleep eventually but the Postman woke me after two hours and I couldn’t get back to it. I ate some fantastic sushi yesterday. Truly delicious. I think I’m slowly acquiring a taste for it. Which is good, if I’m serious about my planned trip to Japan in 2010. Possibly a one way trip. Gah. I’ve had so little sleep the past few days it’s ridiculous. It’s also been very fun. My hair is fucked. All the growing it/followed by repeated dying – yeah. I’d be sorely tempted to just shave it short if it weren’t for all the scars. It’s currently somewhere between black/blue/grey/blonde/brown. Yeah. Bit Multiple Personality maybe. Like it’s owner. ;) Sometimes I can be surprisingly vain. Currently reading: His Dark Materials book 2 (novel), Runaways Vol 3 (western comic), Yotsuba (manga). Currently watching: Last Exile (Anime), Death Note (Anime), The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya for the 2nd time (Anime), The L Word Season One (TV), Queer As Folk US Season One (TV), The Sarah Connor Chronicles Season One (TV). Last 4 films I watched: Rent, Imagine Me & You, The Dark Knight, Boogiepop & Others. Currently listening to: My Chemical Romance (Particular favourites are Teenagers or The Sharpest Lives), The Cure (Boys Don’t Cry, Doing The Unstuck), Tori Amos (No I won’t pick), Dr Horrible’s Sing Along Blog OST. Currently crushing on: John Barrowman, Noel Fielding, Heath Ledger (Don’t get me started on Heath!Joker in the nurses outfit, oh my), Nathan Fillion, Aaron Eckhart, Justin from Queer as Folk US, Thomas Dekker. Oh and not exactly sexual but I keep thinking that Lena Headey is so so beautiful. Now if fate is it’s usual ironic self it’ll be her I have the naughty dream about tonight instead of her TV son but heh, that’s fate. Or just my unconscious sense of humour. So yeah. Eating sushi. Watching lots of stuff. Learning Japanese. Trying to get my teaching qualifications together. Somewhere in there also I’m an artist. Though after the weekend I feel more like a piss artist than any other type but oh well. C’est la vie, c’est la guerre. Signing off now, I have an early start. Arigatou gozimasu, sayonara. Current Mood: quixotic Current Music: My Chemical Romance - The Sharpest Lives (Comment on this)
Friday, April 18th, 2008
10:26 am	"I'd better pick it up, Before I let it slip it away, Better stick it out, ... ... Before I take another day, Hand to mouth, And every single word I say fades out..." - Echo by Vertical Horizon. [fade in] So yeah. I know it's been a while. Don't know if anyone reads this anymore but on the off chance someone does, hi. S'funny really, I meant this to be a quiet place where I could write down my stuff, work it out, and not really have anyone I care see it. Yet I wrote more, got more out of it, felt more in love with it when I knew my friends read it. This is mostly to say that I don't know where I am right now, (so what's new right?) but that I want to say something regardless. I can be found more recently on deviantart. Same username and everything. Heck I'll even make it easy for you with a link: http://mercury127.deviantart.com/ S'mostly fan art at the moment from a variety of anime/comic/tv fandoms. Yeah, I hit a wall in my writing about a month or so ago... And was slowly going crazy (-er) from it. Thankfully drawing/photography came and saved the day. Allowing me to be creative without using precisely the same muscles I used in my written endeavors. Thus avoiding that bloody writer's block. I think I'm getting better at it too. It also gave me an idea that I'm slowly working towards and hope to rock everyone's socks off with. So until then ... Sod it, if I met you, however briefly or eternally, You have my thanks and my love. You're all, in your own ways, how can I say it...fantastic. Cheers. [fade out] Current Mood: creative Current Music: Paramore - Misery Business (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 12th, 2007
3:59 am	Introspection. "I like Time! There's so little and so much of it." - Female Oracle, I Will Remember You, Angel the Series. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Masters Of Chant - Losing My Religion (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 11th, 2007
7:35 am	Oh the weather outside is frightful... ...but then, I like a good scare. Hi. ::Waves:: I was locking and cutting everything for a while, partly out of a desire to be less annoying, partly out of a desire to be less visible if I wanted to discuss sensitive stuff. Have given up on that for now because when you realise, as I did, that you're too good at obfuscation, you understand how easily you render even the stuff you didn't want to be invisible. So, what have I been up to? I took part in NaNoWriMo once again, this time actually managing to write 37,000 odd words of a novel within the time limit. When I finish it I will put a link here. Bear in mind, it's weird, strange and written in a hurry if you do decide to read it when posted. I turned 24. In the catalogue of horror's that my birthdays are part of it was actually pretty darn cool. Present wise I got a cool comedy DVD from my flatmate, a very cool video game from my friend Rob (amongst other things), a shiny new phone and a super duper microwave from my Dad. I think you're officially getting old when not only do you get a cooking appliance as a present, you're terribly excited about this fact. Other than that, I've been hopelessly out of touch with people because I have no credit and have been too broke to get anymore. My friend Kier automatically answers the phone, after I've drop called him, now with: "Cut your hair, get a real job, get a contract phone, be normal." "Bugger that." Is what I usually reply. But I miss certain people so very deeply that sometimes waking, alone at 3 am, I think of them and it is like an icicle rammed through my heart. Claire, Rose, Jo. Trouble is that's 3 am and there's precious little I can do then...and... It's a little hypocritical I guess of me in one way. I've confessed utter confusion before when talking to my friend Rob about the fact that he finds it difficult to use phones to communicate...when I have the same kind of irrational confusion, problem, inability, where EMail or text messaging is concerned. Instant messaging: I love. Phone calls: I love. Email: ... maybe they'll log on/slash answer the phone in a hour. Ditto messages on Facebook. Anyway, if you see this and haven't seen or heard from me in a while, know that it isn't intentional, it's just my idiosynchratic nature being annoying for once instead of charming, I do miss you and one day soon, when I actually get some credit, I will call. I'll end on a quote, as I rather like the concept. Until next time, luv, Matt. "When you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, 'Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!' or 'Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!'" - Men At Arms, Terry Pratchett. Current Mood: mellow Current Music: There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 2nd, 2007
9:31 am	Bloody stereomancy. ( Cut because now I know I can, I like the idea of making everyone's f-lists neater. ) Current Mood: giggly Current Music: Time of Your Life - Greenday (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 26th, 2007
5:50 am	So yeah...do you ever just think about monkeys? Hi. ::waves:: Opening line is a reference to Ross Noble if you think it's a bit random. So he is. I keep meaning to update here more often, I really do. But then I need to get the Internet at home, not just use it at my Dad's place, to do that I think. I have been so tired this week. Which is stupid cause I've slept for like nine to ten hours each night. I think I'm still catching up from Saturday. Saturday was my friend Howard's housewarming. As in, he's bought a house. ::shakes head:: So incredibly adult, yeah. Anyway I stayed up til three or something buying and reading HP7 last Friday so I got up on Saturday around half ten. I went to bed around one PM on Sunday. Yeah. A little sleep deprived...but it was so much fun. I got to go paddling in the ocean at four in the morning! ::grins:: As anyone who knows me and knows how much I like the water could attest, that grin is real. I've signed up for the Ten/Jack ficathon and I don't know if I'm mad or not, still I need to get into practice showing off my writing so, yeah, will be fun. Haven't really got a whole lot to say right now other than a vague feeling today is my Dad's birthday. Oh well, I'll remember his when he remembers mine. Hmm. Oh and Heroes! Heroes that lots of my American and Sky owning friends have been going on about started showing on BBC yesterday so I finally got to see it...and...meh. I liked it don't get me wrong. But I also thought it was derivative as hell of so many things and it will have to work a lot harder to make me see it as anything more than the sum of it's parts. Especially where some of the part's are bloody good and could be better than the show. Hmm. Wow. Looked through my old diary to see if my Dad's birthday was today. I sometimes forget how much of a basketcase I was back then. Well, what matters is now. I'm gonna go help my Dad in the Garden now and maybe try and read some more Hp if I get a chance. Also if you get a chance: See The Simpsons movie. It's pretty good. Seee ya, Matt. Current Mood: creative Current Music: Great Big Sea - Buying Time. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
4:02 am	"You must realize, that my grey sky eyes, neither rain nor they glow, now ya' know" So Ive opted for a meme gacked from rose_specs's journal, instead of doing a long and possibly lecturing update. 1.The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? Anyone bar my father. 2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Yes. Doubly so if I didn't put the pound in it in the first place. 3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed again, would you? Without hesitation. 4. Do you take compliments well? Depends on the compliment. 5. Do you play Sudoku? Nay. 6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? As I can't imagine killing anything for food and I have no idea what beriies and stuff are good to eat I think we can assume that's not a certainty. Of course how long it would take me to die is another question... 7. Do you like tongue rings? I originally added a 'to' somewhere in that sentence. The answer is yes. 8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? School journey once or twice, not the same thing but similar. Wales, yay. 9. Did you ever go to Vacation bible school as a kid? ...the Hell is one of those? 10. Do you like to take pictures? I do but not as often as I'd like. 11.What type of movies do you like to go see? Anything on Wednesday. 12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs? Heh. I'm an agnostic so, duh. My beliefs are tolerant towards all sorts of things others think are crazy. 13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? I'm versatile. 14. Use three words to describe yourself at this moment? Need a shave. 15. Do any confused, emotionless songs make you cry? Cry or bang my head against the wall in frustration. Eg. "You're Beautiful" by rhyming slang man. 16. Are you continuing your education? I am a student at the finishing school of life. 17. Do you know how to shoot a gun? An actual, bullets an all gun? No. Bow and arrow on the other hand... 18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you take out? The fire. 19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with? My friend Howard. Yeah. 20. Favorite children's movie? The Princess Bride probably. 22. What color are your eyes? Blue. I used to think they were forget me not...but someone recently said they were more grey. 23. How tall are you? Six foot something. Depends on the footwear and how tired I am. 25. What do you look for in a boy/girlfriend? Right now? Hehe...oh the things I could say. 26. Any secret admirers? No secret ones. 27. Personality or looks? Personality. 28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? The what? (DITTO) 31. Do you like mayo? Not eaten straight out of the jar with a spoon no. With chips it's good. 32. Do you like mustard? Refer to previous answer. 33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? Sometimes I do both. I can go through a pillow a month. :P 34. Do you look like your mom or dad? Mum's hair and eyes, Dad's cheekbones...Uncle's body shape *looks worried* 35. How long does it take you to shower? Baths damnit! 36. Can you do the splits? Not on purpose... 37. What movie do you want to see right now? Fantastic Rise of The Silver Surfer 4. Or Pan's Labyrinth. 38. Taken or single? Single atm. 40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy? Haven't seen it yet... 42. Do you like ice-cream? Of course. 43. Do you fall fast? I fall at a constant predetermined rate deending on the localised gravity. 44. Was your mom a cheerleader? I sincerely doubt it. 45. What's the last letter of your middle name? 47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 7-9. 48. Missionary or doggy? *arched eyebrows* Yeah. 49. What do you buy at the movies? A large multicoloured multi flavoured ice blast. Bring on the sugar rush. 50. Do you know how to play poker? Yes...badly... 51. Do you wear your seatbelt? Not as often as I should. 52. What do you wear to sleep? Black joggging bottoms or nothing usually. 53. Anything big ever happen in your town? The Millenium Eye. 54. Is your hair straight or curly? Frizzy. 55. Is your bellybutton pierced? Non. 56. Do you like Liver and Onions? Oh wow. Haven't thought about that in years. My mum used to do a great one. Huh. I guess I know what I'm eating soon. 58. Do you like funny or serious people better? Seriously funny? 59. Would any of your ex'es consider you a sex nempho? Possibly. 60. Do you like the rain? Ask the person who goes running in as little as decency will allow in it... 61. Ocean or pool? Pool probably. 62. What's your favorite drink? Apple Juice. 63. Do you hate chocolate? Not at all. 64. Are you a gullible person? I have been but mostly I think I'm too paranoid. 66. Do you need a bf/gf to be happy? I'd settle for just one actually...I'm not greedy... 67. Do you have socks on right now? Unfortunately. 69. What is your favorite time of day? Dawn. The colours... 70. Do you like PINK? Her first album is rather good... Current Mood: tired Current Music: Grey Sky Eyes - Carbon Leaf (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
2:30 am	"You come on like a flame, Then you turn a cold shoulder," So... Much calmer than yesterday. I did manage to speak to some friends who are outside the situation...and more than that...who are bloody good listeners and give bloody good advice. You know who you are and you know you have my gratitude, my thanks and my love. In other news, it's been ages since I actually updated this thing... ( ...so here goes...warning...it is a bit long and rambly ::embarassed grin:: ) K, now I am going to sign off, grab some more chocolate and settle in to watch The PArting of the Ways. Hope everyone's days are fantastic! Matt. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Fire & Ice - Pat Benatar (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
6:02 am	"On a stormy sea of moving emotion, Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean," I am so fucking confused right now. With what I'm doing with my life, with how much of a bastard and a wanker I am... And the pain in the arse thing is that any kind of absolution through explananation is largely impossible cause almost everyone would have an opinion and I'll not start an argument whilst I can. So yeah, this is just to say I'm alive... ...and trying to be optimistic in the face of confusing friends, workmates and mounting suspicions of my own bastardace and cowardice... I hope everyone else is having a rocking time...and if not...maybe I can help? Peace out, Matt. Current Mood: confused Current Music: Carry On My Wayard Son - Kansas (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
10:33 am	*Tagged by who_la_hoop* RULES: People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. 1. I find it really hard whenever I'm at a train station and the automated voice say's: "This is a safety announcement.." not to just scream "WATCH OUT!" wether I'm with someone it'll make laugh or just on my own. 2. I have a thing for even numbers. I've been known to keep count of how many Smarties/Revels/Maltesers I'm eating and stop with the last possible even number. Usually resulting in someone, even a complete stranger, being offered a sweet. 3. I have to recite my old phone number to fall asleep. 4. I can't drink alcohol anymore without a hangover. 5. To avoid having claustrophobia induced panic attacks I have occasionally meditated on public transport. 6. I'm in love with/obsessed by masks. From the Phantom of the Opera, to Batman, To V's Guy Fawkes mask...and the idea that in some way that in concealing what you appear to be...you show what you really are. 7. I had (my first?) and still have a crush on Westley/The Dread Pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride. As you wish, indeed. 8. I have to keep listening to music...and new music...with the consequence that certain times of my life...have incredibly defined soundtracks. Hearing something that I identified with to the core five years ago and realising, this is who I was, this how I've changed...and this is how I haven't. 9. Sherbert makes me pull wierd and often unintentionally hilarious faces. 10.I saw the movie Aliens as a child and was so freaked out by it (specifically the Facehuggers) that I think that is why to this day I fall asleep face down. I know it makes no sense, it's just something I do and therefore perfect for this list. Now, I tag...anyne who wants to do it :) Have fun mi amigos and amigas. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Fire & Ice - Pat Benetar (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 6th, 2006
10:54 am	"Vote Guy Fawkes! The Only Man Ever To Enter Parliament With Honest Intentions!" Remember remember the fifth of November. It's my bloody birthday. Said that so often over the years, usually in jest, once in anger. once in sorrow. Things need balance. I can tell that I gave up drinking, when I have four cocktails and I get hungover. Still, they were very nice cocktails. Which I didn't pay for. So. I could say I'm paying for them now. Had Croque Monsiuer (which my fabulous friend Claire introduced me to the joys of) on the train platform last night on the way home and it was the perfect cap to a fun night. Can still kind of taste it too. Making me hungry. Oh and the Ben and Crouch (where we were last night) must be the only 'straight' pub I know where it's getting to be routine that I have a random chat with some slice of gothic handsomeness...in the men;s toilets. Don't know why, but it keep happening. Unfortunately my wits deserted me yesterday and I found myself only able to smile and nod and laugh because my brain was too busy telling me that he was much too good looking to be talking to me. Thinking of him...different kind of hunger. Also? For such a 'vampire' pub the place likes it's Uv lights and mirrors. Still when it's full you can barely see yourself in the mirrors so...who know's... I feel old. My eye's are sore and my leg's are aching...and ok...I've only slept for eight hours since Friday...but I used to be able to do this man... Ah well. Everything has it's time and everything ends. (that was for you my fellow cult of Suee-ers. I hope you're well and I'm sory I couldn't make the party.) I had to remind my dad it was my birthday. Another thing made to dust and scattered on the winds of yesterday. Can't fault either my friend Rob or my flatmate Jamie though - it's entirely thanks to them I got through the weekend and my birthday with mostly a smile on my face and joy in my heart. Jamie got me a TARDIS console room playset. I am so grateful. And therefore had a wonderfully geeky birthday putting it all together. I did not then get all the action figures and use the console as a prop for various compromising positions. Heh. Well, not for long. Going to work today, then going to a restaurant with my dad. Then probably seeing Jamie and Rob. I hope dad lets us go the Italian place. I want some Lasagne. I wish I'd made a note of my Mother's recipe. So I'm older. A small detail has changed...and the rest of my life...of my body...of my mind...is more or less the same. So the jounrey continues... (What utter bollocks is that last line? I wish I had more time) Luv y'all. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Carbon Leaf - What About Everything? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 29th, 2006
6:36 pm	Change is both beautiful and painful. Today I've wanted to weep from happiness and scream from agony. ::sighs:: I know I said that existence was a broad spectrum of feelings and conditions but do I really have to face such extremes in such a short space of time? Apparently yes. Hope everyone else is faring better. Or at least quieter. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 18th, 2006
1:51 am	Blargh. Hangover's are evil. In related new's...I can't find my jeans. More on these breaking stories later. But first, weather: Current Mood: Hungover (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 7th, 2006
10:28 am	Written on Sunday the third, on a train, coming home. Thinking towards London. I’m tired right now. My heart is aching a little as well. For things I should have done and didn’t. For things I shouldn’t have done and did. Russ. Ilona and Steph. Claire. ‘We’d like to stop and talk to you for a moment about the bible, if that’s okay?’ Asks the closer of two jehova’s witnesses standing before me. A tall, old, silver-maned man with watery blue eyes and a short blonde woman with a scar on her lip that I try not to notice stand between me and the station. They’ve asked me just as I’ve taken a swig of my drink and so not wanting to be rude cannot reply in the negative. Hearing no negativity the man begins to speak again in a manner reminiscent of a light entertainer, one who’s tired of the material and knows it’s old, but loves it anyway. I am trapped now I think. Too good natured to be rude or provoke an argument the train, my chariot home, now lies somewhere at the end of a minefield masquerading as an informal chat about theology. I’m on the train now. A girl in blue sits a few rows ahead listening to dance music loud enough that I can hear it. My attitude to her wanes from scathing to warm when the track changes to Madonna. Our train has stopped, I don’t know why. I hang. Static time. In potentia time. Like the seconds between telling someone you love them and their raucous laughter. Like the moment between feeling the lake, and seeing it. ‘I’m full. I haven’t eaten much today and yet I’m so full I feel like I could vomit.’ I babble almost incomprehensibly standing in front of the lake. Power radiates around us. Am I drinking the power though or is it drinking me? What came first the chicken or the egg? Either way both things are edible. ‘The first time I’ve seen the stars with my naked eyes in years.’ I whisper, the city boy, afraid to raise my voice from wonder. That would make them boring. Our train is moving again. I keep meaning to update my profile on OKCupid, mostly to make a friend happy…and okay, shamefully utterly honestly maybe it’s time I was a little more accessible … might help me now, when I feel lonely. But I baulk at writing a profile. I stare at the text box willing it to fill with prose as witty as Wilde’s. Nothing flow’s. As witty as Wilde? I’m lucky if I’m as vocal as the reduced Shakespeare company. Out, out, brief blog. Maybe I’m not as certain as I’d like to be, as I should be in myself. Otherwise a profile would be easy. Things will be easier at the end of the month. When I’ve moved. When I can stop feeling some of the flux in my life. ‘What do you believe brings true happiness?’ The woman jehova’s witness asks me in a warbling voice. I look into the distance, trying to find something profound, something that will cut through the fog I feel around me. A statement to define me and defend me: a shield of words and a blanket of truth. I finally answer her. ‘That I’m alive. And I can still make decisions and amends. That nothing is final.’ As mantras go it’s not perfect. Yet included in it is the implicit truth that it doesn’t have to be. I’m still alive after all, I can work on it. Luv to all my readers and friends, Matt. (Somewhere between Harpenden and St. Albans) Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: The clak-a-clak of a train track. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 24th, 2006
4:27 am	Once a week, huh? My jokes are getting better as I get older. So yeah... First off, I have a new keyboard so I apologise in advance if my spelling is worse than usual. Still working out in my head where all the key's are. In the two weeks since my last update...I've been mostly house sitting, which may explain things being a little tempestuous with my dad...when he is here, it's for a brief while and we have a lot to talk about. I went shopping with my friend Claire in Greenwich market...three weeks ago...something like that. Same day I saw the pretty blonde boy on the tube with Jo. Anyway, I didn't have a lot of cash that day...mostly through mismanagement...as opposed to actual feduciary trouble. So I wasn't intending to buy anything...until I saw a guy selling plastic egyptian symbols that he'd made himself. Now, I've been having a recurring dream involving me praying before an Ankh for about a year...and throughout this year I have continually toyed with buying one...but...the problem is, I wasn't happy spending £30-40 on a piece of jewelry which marks me as a goth, or a spiritualist, to say nothing about the fact that it was the symbol I wanted, the symbol that was important...not the fact that it was jewelry. The fact it was wearable and pretty was nice...but it wasn't the point, the...most important feature. Greenwich market, then, jet black, lightweight, just fits in the palm of my hand. 50p. So I bought my Ankh, finally...and an old unused black bootlace later it hangs above my heart and matters just as much to me as anything that is gold or silver. I guess I may now be an agnostic...but I retain some of the protestant's iconoclastic intent... The meaning is in the world, the symbol's represent that and connect us, remind us...but the meaning and the power is never actually there. If I were telling this in real life, now I'd stop have a sip of my drink and say sorry for rambling about my beliefs and spiritality. Fanatics are scary after all, whqatever they believe...not that I think I am one... ::sighs, smiles:: Went to Bedford, saw my ex flatmate. Slept on his floor. Was nice to get out of London for a few day's. He's got an empty flat (with spare beds!) there next week and as it takes me as long to get to work from there as here...I think I'm going to go stay with him. The Universe has been giving me big frickin signals to travel and hey...when it's the universe you kinda have to listen. I'm about thirty pages from the end of American Gods, the first Neil Gaiman book I've read in five years or so, and I've loved it so much that I'm buying Anansi Boys when I get to the station in half an hour or so. So my hair...which I've decided I won't cut til after my friends wedding in two months time...was down to my lips when I got out of the bath today. I frankly find this amazing as it's the longest it's ever been and after a comment by my ex flatmate that it's starting to remind him of Paul McGann...I'm toying with the idea of extending the cutting date to 2007...which will make a whole year without a hair cut. My first since I was a nipper. I have a new user icon, that I took the time to make and as it's pretty and arty it will be my defualt for a while. Plus I lurve John Constantine. Okay, I'm starving and need to go eat. Before I do I leave a meme that canhopefully be enjoyed by everyone...hehe... ( It's time for the movie game...but no John Barrowman...:( ) Right,now I have to get to work... Luv, Matt Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Melissa Etheridge - I Run For Life. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
12:46 am	'Cause I have updated once a month for like three months and it is not good enough... If nothing else? My memory is so bad. Well, it's not bad, in fact it's pretty amazing. It's just... Heh. It continues to be a point of debate for which I don't know the answer: Is it better to have a bad memory, and know you have a bad memory...or to have a pretty good memory, but one you know isn't perfect? Point one: Did you send me that letter on Tuesday? Erm...hang on...ehh...I can't remember. It's not here so I must have. Point two: Did you send me that letter on Tuesday? I remember writing it, enveloping it, stamping it...but I don't remember if I took it to the post box...I'll have to search... Point is...my memory is good...but I get frustrated by it's lack of perfection sometimes...by the fact it can recall so much ultimately trivial stuff...but my sort code? I can only ever remeber five digits of perfectly. ::sighs:: Wow, I did have a rant in me and here I thoguht I was too mellow and achy for it. Oh yeah, talk about relief...I must have pulled something and then slept wierdly cause yesterday...the muscles from my neck to my hip down my left hand side were killing me...still it seems to be ok now barring the odd twinge. So things I don't want to forget: Walking to the top of Greenwich park with Claire, Jo and Rose. Going on the Cutty Sark with Claire. The second innaugral Squee meet hosted by the fabtastic who_la_hoop. Plastic prawn and pirate dalek especially. Dancing and singing to Tundra with aniiksa. Going on the ceasefire march this last weekend. CAPTAIN PLANET! Playing D & D again. Seeing that crazy German Glam Rock band who were...entertaining...getting to go to my brother's going away do. The blonde boy I saw on the tube with snoopyjo (And the dirty looks his mother/wife/sister/girlfriend was giving me)...he might have been oblivious but she wasn't. Oooh. His teeth, well the slightly pointier canines, yes I have a vampire thing. Getting a new laptop. Helping a friend when she needed it. Things I could stand to forget(but probably won't): Making an arse of myself in front of Gordon a few weeks ago. Being sick in Starbucks after the Squee meet on Sunday. Not knowing how to defuse things with Kier and Jess on Saturday. Hearing the regret and anger in my Brother's voice when we said goodbye. I'm sure there's more...but I've dallied here as long as my need for caffeinne will allow... So I go. And leave this resolution, to update at least once a week... Luv y'all, Matt. Current Mood: guilty Current Music: Erasure - Little Respect. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 7th, 2006
1:51 am	Excessive meme-ness. And a few notes about my life... Hello everyone! ::grins:: Considering some of this meme stuff is maybe even months old...I'll do that first and put it behind a cut. Loads of Meme-ness to come after it... ( And so it begins... ) So other than memes...how am I? Right now I'm a little tired, trying to get my sleeping hours back to 11-7 as opposed to 1 or 2-9. Just so I can be more foccussed at work, spend less of it wandering in a daze. Maybe I'm a little down because of the dream I had as well...I had like two years of my life in one night...wherin I managed to quit working for my Dad, got published as an author...met an old school friend...found out we had lots more in common...started a relationship with him...fell in love...got engaged...split up...all leading up to my twenty fifth birthday. It wasn't all happiness either, in case it seems that way...it was...life...and now I'm starting to hope I'm not a precog. 'cause I'd hate it if I knew when I was gonna get proposed to, that'd take all the fun out of it. ::Shrugs:: Ah well. I'm writing more...and...crap. Phone, work, have to go... Luv, Matt. Current Mood: confused Current Music: Linkin Park - Numb (Comment on this)