Liquid Lucidity.

"I'm out there running just to be on the run,"

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 23:34:14 GMT

Oh bugger.

I said after I deleted my Facebook account that I'd update here once a week...

Well, 2 day's late isn't that bad I guess.

So, what have I been up to? I've done a lot of sketching, finally worked through my artist's block and polished off my back catalogue. So I'm back to chasing that dream again. Feels good to be working again though and I do think I'm improving.

4 weeks into my Japanese lessons now and I'm really really starting to get freaked out by the prospect of the exam. The speaking I can get, the listening I'm getting...the reading? Fills me with dread. Still I got my course books and so I shall persevere and hopefully I'll get it.

Going to a convention in a couple of weeks. I was thinking of Cosplaying as: http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2007/11/19/amazon-box-robot-fig.html

(minus the the amazon.co.jp stuff) and so I've been collecting odd boxes or scraps of cardboard for weeks. I had two perfect boxes for the head and the body then on my way home tonight - jackpot! One of my neighbour's had a new coffee table delivered and left all the packing materials outside. Enough cardboard to make 2 full suits! Box man was meant to be!

I might post either photos or a link to the finished suit when it's done.

There's a tiny voice that's saying examining this situation proves how frakked up and childish I am ... that my neighbour's got an expensive glass coffee table and what excites me more than getting that for myself is running around dressed as a cardboard robot...but the flip could also be true. That I am a wonderful innocent who is entertained by a load of free cardboard to the extent that some people would pay a lot of money for something pretty but not terribly useful.

It all comes down to perception/perspective.

Might not do the Cardboard robot thing on both days. Day two I'm torn between Zabuza (from Naruto) or Boogiepop (from Boogiepop).

Zabuza pros:
From Naruto.
Get to carry a massive sword.
Might meet a cute boy who's playing Haku and get some cool photos.
Probably my favourite character from the show.

Zabuza cons:
From Naruto.
Have to make a bloody massive sword.

Boogiepop pros:
Less well known.
Get to wear a cool cape and hat.
I'm in love with the series right now.
I could rewear the costume for Halloween the week after.

Boogipop cons:
People might not know who I am.
Have to make a cool cape and hat.
Technically I should probably be a girl...even though in other books Boogiepop has posessed guys they might not know that...and I don't know if people will buy it if I don't also wear a girl's school uniform...which yeah.

So, on that I shall probably be Zabuza. Oh well. Still, I like swords so...:)

Hmm. Other than that, any news? Not exactly. Still need to try and come up with something to do on my birthday. I'm thinking coffee in Camden in the afternoon turning into pub crawl in the evening. Not sure though. I might just try and get people to go see some Fireworks with me.

Hm. For now though, bed.

Wish me sweet dreams?

Just an announcement,...

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 23:49:40 GMT

As I can't think of another way of doing this, for those people who might not log in when they come here to read this...

There will be an entry that is friends locked immediately following this. So please, if you want to read it, and are my friend, log in. It's not that I'm squeamish about what I'm going to write more that I know how fickle fate can be and so I don't want anything I'm about to say to be freely available by some unlucky bastard google search for the ensuing social drama it could cause.

That said, on with the motley...

"Oh, just when you think you're in control..."

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:15:20 GMT

I just deleted my Facebook account.

For those of you who know me on here, don't worry, this won't be disappearing any time soon. I'm also going to try and update once a week from now on, even if nothing too interesting has happened.

I just finally got sick of the whole pretense of 'social networking'. Half the people on my friend's list I haven't spoken to in years and ok a few I wish i'd spoken to more but on the whole I felt like I did so little there...

And it was vaguely depressing to log in day after day and see my friend's fantastic lives that I now feel disconnected from. Even if said disconnection was at least partly my own choice.

Dressed head to toe in black again for the first time in ages. I've missed this...

I turn 25 in a month. All the shit I've been through; the people I've lost, the times I've had my heart broken, all the scars and wounds my flesh has suffered...

If I could go back and change anything...I wouldn't change a damn thing.

Not one damn thing.

“I’ve really been on a bender and it shows…”

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 22:44:02 GMT

It’s been 16 weeks apparently. Since I last updated this.

Has anything changed?

Yes and no. Some stuff so trivial and mundane to note it would be pointless. Some stuff so deep I’d rather impart with my voice than just leave it hanging in the electrical ether.

So how about a joke instead? What’s got two legs and bleeds everywhere?

Give up?

Half a dog.

Hahahahaha. For some reason I couldn’t stop laughing at that on Saturday morning. Though the answer for that might as simple as the fact it was 6 am and I’d been awake for nearly twenty four hours.

I did try to sleep eventually but the Postman woke me after two hours and I couldn’t get back to it.

I ate some fantastic sushi yesterday. Truly delicious. I think I’m slowly acquiring a taste for it. Which is good, if I’m serious about my planned trip to Japan in 2010.

Possibly a one way trip.

Gah. I’ve had so little sleep the past few days it’s ridiculous. It’s also been very fun.

My hair is fucked. All the growing it/followed by repeated dying – yeah. I’d be sorely tempted to just shave it short if it weren’t for all the scars.

It’s currently somewhere between black/blue/grey/blonde/brown. Yeah. Bit Multiple Personality maybe. Like it’s owner. ;)

Sometimes I can be surprisingly vain.

Currently reading: His Dark Materials book 2 (novel), Runaways Vol 3 (western comic), Yotsuba (manga).

Currently watching: Last Exile (Anime), Death Note (Anime), The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya for the 2nd time (Anime), The L Word Season One (TV), Queer As Folk US Season One (TV), The Sarah Connor Chronicles Season One (TV).

Last 4 films I watched: Rent, Imagine Me & You, The Dark Knight, Boogiepop & Others.

Currently listening to: My Chemical Romance (Particular favourites are Teenagers or The Sharpest Lives), The Cure (Boys Don’t Cry, Doing The Unstuck), Tori Amos (No I won’t pick), Dr Horrible’s Sing Along Blog OST.

Currently crushing on: John Barrowman, Noel Fielding, Heath Ledger (Don’t get me started on Heath!Joker in the nurses outfit, oh my), Nathan Fillion, Aaron Eckhart, Justin from Queer as Folk US, Thomas Dekker. Oh and not exactly sexual but I keep thinking that Lena Headey is so so beautiful.

Now if fate is it’s usual ironic self it’ll be her I have the naughty dream about tonight instead of her TV son but heh, that’s fate. Or just my unconscious sense of humour.

So yeah. Eating sushi. Watching lots of stuff. Learning Japanese. Trying to get my teaching qualifications together.

Somewhere in there also I’m an artist.

Though after the weekend I feel more like a piss artist than any other type but oh well.

C’est la vie, c’est la guerre.

Signing off now, I have an early start.

Arigatou gozimasu, sayonara.

"I'd better pick it up, Before I let it slip it away, Better stick it out, ...

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 17:39:48 GMT

... Before I take another day, Hand to mouth, And every single word I say fades out..." - Echo by Vertical Horizon.

[fade in]

So yeah.

I know it's been a while. Don't know if anyone reads this anymore but on the off chance someone does, hi.

S'funny really, I meant this to be a quiet place where I could write down my stuff, work it out, and not really have anyone I care see it. Yet I wrote more, got more out of it, felt more in love with it when I knew my friends read it.

This is mostly to say that I don't know where I am right now, (so what's new right?) but that I want to say something regardless.

I can be found more recently on deviantart. Same username and everything. Heck I'll even make it easy for you with a link: http://mercury127.deviantart.com/

S'mostly fan art at the moment from a variety of anime/comic/tv fandoms. Yeah, I hit a wall in my writing about a month or so ago...

And was slowly going crazy (-er) from it. Thankfully drawing/photography came and saved the day. Allowing me to be creative without using precisely the same muscles I used in my written endeavors. Thus avoiding that bloody writer's block. I think I'm getting better at it too. It also gave me an idea that I'm slowly working towards and hope to rock everyone's socks off with.

So until then ...

Sod it, if I met you, however briefly or eternally,

You have my thanks and my love. You're all, in your own ways, how can I say it...fantastic.

Cheers.

[fade out]

Introspection.

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 12:02:53 GMT

"I like Time! There's so little and so much of it." - Female Oracle, I Will Remember You, Angel the Series.

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 16:02:17 GMT

...but then, I like a good scare.

Hi.

::Waves::

I was locking and cutting everything for a while, partly out of a desire to be less annoying, partly out of a desire to be less visible if I wanted to discuss sensitive stuff.

Have given up on that for now because when you realise, as I did, that you're too good at obfuscation, you understand how easily you render even the stuff you didn't want to be invisible.

So, what have I been up to? I took part in NaNoWriMo once again, this time actually managing to write 37,000 odd words of a novel within the time limit. When I finish it I will put a link here. Bear in mind, it's weird, strange and written in a hurry if you do decide to read it when posted.

I turned 24. In the catalogue of horror's that my birthdays are part of it was actually pretty darn cool. Present wise I got a cool comedy DVD from my flatmate, a very cool video game from my friend Rob (amongst other things), a shiny new phone and a super duper microwave from my Dad. I think you're officially getting old when not only do you get a cooking appliance as a present, you're terribly excited about this fact.

Other than that, I've been hopelessly out of touch with people because I have no credit and have been too broke to get anymore. My friend Kier automatically answers the phone, after I've drop called him, now with: "Cut your hair, get a real job, get a contract phone, be normal."

"Bugger that." Is what I usually reply.

But I miss certain people so very deeply that sometimes waking, alone at 3 am, I think of them and it is like an icicle rammed through my heart. Claire, Rose, Jo. Trouble is that's 3 am and there's precious little I can do then...and...

It's a little hypocritical I guess of me in one way. I've confessed utter confusion before when talking to my friend Rob about the fact that he finds it difficult to use phones to communicate...when I have the same kind of irrational confusion, problem, inability, where EMail or text messaging is concerned.

Instant messaging: I love. Phone calls: I love. Email: ... maybe they'll log on/slash answer the phone in a hour. Ditto messages on Facebook.

Anyway, if you see this and haven't seen or heard from me in a while, know that it isn't intentional, it's just my idiosynchratic nature being annoying for once instead of charming, I do miss you and one day soon, when I actually get some credit, I will call.

I'll end on a quote, as I rather like the concept.

Until next time, luv, Matt.

"When you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, 'Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!' or 'Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!'" - Men At Arms, Terry Pratchett.

Bloody stereomancy.

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 21:38:09 GMT

::grinning like a maniac:: Hi! Hello! Greetings! Salutations! Bonjour!

How are you? I feel majestic. I deserve majesty. Haha.

Sorry. Today's been a bit wierd, in a good way. Can't stop grinning or laughing right now. Life is ironic.

Such a cosmic joke sometimes. I mean really. Haha.

Well, I'd write more but I can't think beyond the lines to a certain song right now. Thanks Steph. I mean it. For everything.

I planned to and so will finish with a quote from Lords & Ladies by Terry Pratchett.

Until next time, luv,

Matt.

"Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
The thing about words is that meaning can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.
No one ever said elves are nice.
Elves are bad."

So yeah...do you ever just think about monkeys?

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 13:18:25 GMT

Hi. ::waves::

Opening line is a reference to Ross Noble if you think it's a bit random. So he is.

I keep meaning to update here more often, I really do.

But then I need to get the Internet at home, not just use it at my Dad's place, to do that I think.

I have been so tired this week. Which is stupid cause I've slept for like nine to ten hours each night. I think I'm still catching up from Saturday.

Saturday was my friend Howard's housewarming. As in, he's bought a house. ::shakes head:: So incredibly adult, yeah. Anyway I stayed up til three or something buying and reading HP7 last Friday so I got up on Saturday around half ten. I went to bed around one PM on Sunday. Yeah. A little sleep deprived...but it was so much fun.

I got to go paddling in the ocean at four in the morning! ::grins:: As anyone who knows me and knows how much I like the water could attest, that grin is real.

I've signed up for the Ten/Jack ficathon and I don't know if I'm mad or not, still I need to get into practice showing off my writing so, yeah, will be fun.

Haven't really got a whole lot to say right now other than a vague feeling today is my Dad's birthday. Oh well, I'll remember his when he remembers mine.

Hmm. Oh and Heroes! Heroes that lots of my American and Sky owning friends have been going on about started showing on BBC yesterday so I finally got to see it...and...meh.

I liked it don't get me wrong. But I also thought it was derivative as hell of so many things and it will have to work a lot harder to make me see it as anything more than the sum of it's parts. Especially where some of the part's are bloody good and could be better than the show. Hmm.

Wow. Looked through my old diary to see if my Dad's birthday was today. I sometimes forget how much of a basketcase I was back then. Well, what matters is now.

I'm gonna go help my Dad in the Garden now and maybe try and read some more Hp if I get a chance.

Also if you get a chance: See The Simpsons movie. It's pretty good.

Seee ya,

Matt.

"You must realize, that my grey sky eyes, neither rain nor they glow, now ya' know"

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 19:44:25 GMT

So Ive opted for a meme gacked from rose_specs's journal, instead of doing a long and possibly lecturing update.

1.The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? Anyone bar my father.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Yes. Doubly so if I didn't put the pound in it in the first place.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed again, would you? Without hesitation.

4. Do you take compliments well? Depends on the compliment.

5. Do you play Sudoku? Nay.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? As I can't imagine killing anything for food and I have no idea what beriies and stuff are good to eat I think we can assume that's not a certainty. Of course how long it would take me to die is another question...

7. Do you like tongue rings? I originally added a 'to' somewhere in that sentence. The answer is yes.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? School journey once or twice, not the same thing but similar. Wales, yay.

9. Did you ever go to Vacation bible school as a kid? ...the Hell is one of those?

10. Do you like to take pictures? I do but not as often as I'd like.

11.What type of movies do you like to go see? Anything on Wednesday.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs? Heh. I'm an agnostic so, duh. My beliefs are tolerant towards all sorts of things others think are crazy.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? I'm versatile.

14. Use three words to describe yourself at this moment? Need a shave.

15. Do any confused, emotionless songs make you cry? Cry or bang my head against the wall in frustration. Eg. "You're Beautiful" by rhyming slang man.

16. Are you continuing your education? I am a student at the finishing school of life.

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun? An actual, bullets an all gun? No. Bow and arrow on the other hand...

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you take out? The fire.

19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with? My friend Howard. Yeah.

20. Favorite children's movie? The Princess Bride probably.

22. What color are your eyes? Blue. I used to think they were forget me not...but someone recently said they were more grey.

23. How tall are you? Six foot something. Depends on the footwear and how tired I am.

25. What do you look for in a boy/girlfriend? Right now? Hehe...oh the things I could say.

26. Any secret admirers? No secret ones.

27. Personality or looks? Personality.

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? The what? (DITTO)

31. Do you like mayo? Not eaten straight out of the jar with a spoon no. With chips it's good.

32. Do you like mustard? Refer to previous answer.

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? Sometimes I do both. I can go through a pillow a month. :P

34. Do you look like your mom or dad? Mum's hair and eyes, Dad's cheekbones...Uncle's body shape *looks worried*

35. How long does it take you to shower? Baths
damnit!

36. Can you do the splits? Not on purpose...

37. What movie do you want to see right now? Fantastic Rise of The Silver Surfer 4. Or Pan's Labyrinth.

38. Taken or single? Single atm.

40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy? Haven't seen it yet...

42. Do you like ice-cream? Of course.

43. Do you fall fast? I fall at a constant predetermined rate deending on the localised gravity.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader? I sincerely doubt it.

45. What's the last letter of your middle name?

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 7-9.

48. Missionary or doggy? *arched eyebrows* Yeah.

49. What do you buy at the movies? A large multicoloured multi flavoured ice blast. Bring on the sugar rush.

50. Do you know how to play poker? Yes...badly...

51. Do you wear your seatbelt? Not as often as I should.

52. What do you wear to sleep? Black joggging bottoms or nothing usually.

53. Anything big ever happen in your town? The Millenium Eye.

54. Is your hair straight or curly? Frizzy.

55. Is your bellybutton pierced? Non.

56. Do you like Liver and Onions? Oh wow. Haven't thought about that in years. My mum used to do a great one. Huh. I guess I know what I'm eating soon.

58. Do you like funny or serious people better? Seriously funny?

59. Would any of your ex'es consider you a sex nempho? Possibly.

60. Do you like the rain? Ask the person who goes running in as little as decency will allow in it...

61. Ocean or pool? Pool probably.

62. What's your favorite drink? Apple Juice.

63. Do you hate chocolate? Not at all.

64. Are you a gullible person? I have been but mostly I think I'm too paranoid.

66. Do you need a bf/gf to be happy? I'd settle for just one actually...I'm not greedy...

67. Do you have socks on right now? Unfortunately.

69. What is your favorite time of day? Dawn. The colours...

70. Do you like PINK? Her first album is rather good...

"You come on like a flame, Then you turn a cold shoulder,"

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 13:01:15 GMT

So...

Much calmer than yesterday. I did manage to speak to some friends who are outside the situation...and more than that...who are bloody good listeners and give bloody good advice. You know who you are and you know you have my gratitude, my thanks and my love.

In other news, it's been ages since I actually updated this thing...

I am changing. The Doctor Who fan in me is slightly tickled by the idea that occurred to me this morning that I'm regenerating. I have changed my diet...effectively giving up gorging, eating til I feel full, repeated take aways and all carbonated soft drinks and caffienne. Trying to give up chocolate too but that's more a guerilla war than any kind of normal addiction battle.

Man, coming off the caffeinne for a week afterwards aside from feeling constantly tired I was having the most wierd, vivid and surreal dreams in my life. What makes it funnier is that it was not too dissimilar to the experience a friend of mine who gave up weed told me about. When I told him he thought I was joking and when I insisted I was not, we both laughed for a while about it. Even if we think we know what we're doing and the effects something has on our body we can never be sure until we experiment.

So, diet has changed. As has my sleeping pattern. No more staying up til whenever I literally cannot stand and then going to sleep...I listen to my body and sleep when it tells me to. Mostly.

These two things if nothing else have probably altered my brain chemistry in ways that in turn alter the way I'm perceiving the world and my life.

I'm in the process of quitting my job. I don't know what will come next but I have a little bit of savings...well overdraft...so I'm not too worried about what will come next, only that I won't be able to get out of my work situation without tremendous pain/stress/argument.

Lastly...I worked it out that give or take a few weeks...I haven't had sex with anyone in a year. Not since that guy who worked in Baskin Robbins I think. His hands were pretty cold. Ahem, sidetracked. Not that I haven't been trying to meet people, or flirting but...take last Friday: I left my fabulous friend Jo at the tube station and proceeded up Charing Cross road to a gay bar I quite like up there cause they usually have tables and chairs on the street outside and if no one catches my eye or I catch no one's eyes I quite like to just grab a seat and people watch. Well, I got talking with a guy named George, bit older than me but with a great sense of humour. We kissed. I was so close to asking him back to my mine...but I knew, deep down, that it would have been a one night stand no matter the signals I was getting. So I didn't ask him but took his number and said I'd text him. Which I did...and yeah...he wasn't looking for Mr Right, just Mr Right-Now.

So I left him be and still a little wired started perusing the late night book shops. I mean Borders and Foyles, not anywhere dodgy. Clean thoughts, please ;)

So my point being...my sleeping around days are over. If it's a choice between sleeping around and never finding a partner or being celibate and never finding a partner...I'll choose the latter. I don't deny that within each option there's the possiblity of me meeting someone special but, health risks aside, I know which one would leave me with more self respect, dignity and long lasting belief in myself.

So yeah, I'm changing...regenerating...I suppose the obvious if boring way to put it is just growing up.

Oh! Shallow & Squue alert. I got new glasses! Which...are a little bit Tennant-ish. I keep thinking of them as my Tennant-Specs. And that last sentence was edited cause the first two times I wrote Tennant-Sex and not Tennant-Specs. Ahem. So yeah, celibacy doesn't equal no sex drive. Just a hell of a lot of restraint sometimes. And I'm not talking about handcuffs. Uh...images of Tennant in handcuffs...right...get back on track.

Despite how messed up and crazy yesterday was I feel more calm right now than I have in bloody ages. Oh well, guess that comes of calling in sick to work and staying in to El-Jay, watch Ecclescake episodes and eating Green & Black's chocolate.

Although I didn't sleep a whole lot last night so I don't know why I'm not more crabby. Maybe it's just a new dawn. Oh and I didn't sleep cause I was up late talking with a friend of mine so fab she makes me want to sing Kylie just thinkin of her.

This is in danger of becoming stream of consciousness...so I'll sign off now I think...

Oooh, though not before I mention the two books I read last week: The Devil You Know and it's sequel Vicious Circle both by Mike Carey. I am in just a little bit of love with it's main character Felix Castor and the supporting cast like Juliet, Pen & Rafi. Truly enjoyable books that start out like ghost stories/horror but if you scratch the surface that's just a costume pulled over bloody good almost noir detective novels. In Castor I've found a character not unlike John Constantine but different and adorable in his own heroically tragically fucked up way.

K, now I am going to sign off, grab some more chocolate and settle in to watch The PArting of the Ways.

Hope everyone's days are fantastic!

Matt.

"On a stormy sea of moving emotion, Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean,"

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 14:08:14 GMT

I am so fucking confused right now.

With what I'm doing with my life, with how much of a bastard and a wanker I am...

And the pain in the arse thing is that any kind of absolution through explananation is largely impossible cause almost everyone would have an opinion and I'll not start an argument whilst I can.

So yeah, this is just to say I'm alive...

...and trying to be optimistic in the face of confusing friends, workmates and mounting suspicions of my own bastardace and cowardice...

I hope everyone else is having a rocking time...and if not...maybe I can help?

Peace out,

Matt.

Tagged by who_la_hoop

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 10:33:40 GMT

RULES:
People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I find it really hard whenever I'm at a train station and the automated voice say's: "This is a safety announcement.." not to just scream "WATCH OUT!" wether I'm with someone it'll make laugh or just on my own.

2. I have a thing for even numbers. I've been known to keep count of how many Smarties/Revels/Maltesers I'm eating and stop with the last possible even number. Usually resulting in someone, even a complete stranger, being offered a sweet.

3. I have to recite my old phone number to fall asleep.

4. I can't drink alcohol anymore without a hangover.

5. To avoid having claustrophobia induced panic attacks I have occasionally meditated on public transport.

6. I'm in love with/obsessed by masks. From the Phantom of the Opera, to Batman, To V's Guy Fawkes mask...and the idea that in some way that in concealing what you appear to be...you show what you really are.

7. I had (my first?) and still have a crush on Westley/The Dread Pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride. As you wish, indeed.

8. I have to keep listening to music...and new music...with the consequence that certain times of my life...have incredibly defined soundtracks. Hearing something that I identified with to the core five years ago and realising, this is who I was, this how I've changed...and this is how I haven't.

9. Sherbert makes me pull wierd and often unintentionally hilarious faces.

10.I saw the movie Aliens as a child and was so freaked out by it (specifically the Facehuggers) that I think that is why to this day I fall asleep face down. I know it makes no sense, it's just something I do and therefore perfect for this list.

Now, I tag...anyne who wants to do it :)

Have fun mi amigos and amigas.

"Vote Guy Fawkes! The Only Man Ever To Enter Parliament With Honest Intentions!"

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 10:54:44 GMT

Remember remember the fifth of November.

It's my bloody birthday.

Said that so often over the years, usually in jest, once in anger. once in sorrow. Things need balance.

I can tell that I gave up drinking, when I have four cocktails and I get hungover.

Still, they were very nice cocktails. Which I didn't pay for. So. I could say I'm paying for them now.

Had Croque Monsiuer (which my fabulous friend Claire introduced me to the joys of) on the train platform last night on the way home and it was the perfect cap to a fun night.

Can still kind of taste it too. Making me hungry.

Oh and the Ben and Crouch (where we were last night) must be the only 'straight' pub I know where it's getting to be routine that I have a random chat with some slice of gothic handsomeness...in the men;s toilets. Don't know why, but it keep happening. Unfortunately my wits deserted me yesterday and I found myself only able to smile and nod and laugh because my brain was too busy telling me that he was much too good looking to be talking to me.

Thinking of him...different kind of hunger.

Also? For such a 'vampire' pub the place likes it's Uv lights and mirrors. Still when it's full you can barely see yourself in the mirrors so...who know's...

I feel old. My eye's are sore and my leg's are aching...and ok...I've only slept for eight hours since Friday...but I used to be able to do this man...

Ah well. Everything has it's time and everything ends. (that was for you my fellow cult of Suee-ers. I hope you're well and I'm sory I couldn't make the party.)

I had to remind my dad it was my birthday. Another thing made to dust and scattered on the winds of yesterday.

Can't fault either my friend Rob or my flatmate Jamie though - it's entirely thanks to them I got through the weekend and my birthday with mostly a smile on my face and joy in my heart.

Jamie got me a TARDIS console room playset. I am so grateful. And therefore had a wonderfully geeky birthday putting it all together. I did not then get all the action figures and use the console as a prop for various compromising positions. Heh. Well, not for long.

Going to work today, then going to a restaurant with my dad. Then probably seeing Jamie and Rob. I hope dad lets us go the Italian place. I want some Lasagne. I wish I'd made a note of my Mother's recipe.

So I'm older. A small detail has changed...and the rest of my life...of my body...of my mind...is more or less the same.

So the jounrey continues...

(What utter bollocks is that last line? I wish I had more time)

Luv y'all.

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 18:38:41 GMT

Change is both beautiful and painful.

Today I've wanted to weep from happiness and scream from agony.

::sighs:: I know I said that existence was a broad spectrum of feelings and conditions but do I really have to face such extremes in such a short space of time? Apparently yes.

Hope everyone else is faring better.

Or at least quieter.

Blargh.

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 08:53:26 GMT

Hangover's are evil.

In related new's...I can't find my jeans.

More on these breaking stories later. But first, weather:

Written on Sunday the third, on a train, coming home.

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 09:33:19 GMT

Thinking towards London.

I’m tired right now.

My heart is aching a little as well.

For things I should have done and didn’t.

For things I shouldn’t have done and did.

Russ.

Ilona and Steph.

Claire.

‘We’d like to stop and talk to you for a moment about the bible, if that’s okay?’ Asks the closer of two jehova’s witnesses standing before me. A tall, old, silver-maned man with watery blue eyes and a short blonde woman with a scar on her lip that I try not to notice stand between me and the station. They’ve asked me just as I’ve taken a swig of my drink and so not wanting to be rude cannot reply in the negative. Hearing no negativity the man begins to speak again in a manner reminiscent of a light entertainer, one who’s tired of the material and knows it’s old, but loves it anyway. I am trapped now I think. Too good natured to be rude or provoke an argument the train, my chariot home, now lies somewhere at the end of a minefield masquerading as an informal chat about theology.

I’m on the train now. A girl in blue sits a few rows ahead listening to dance music loud enough that I can hear it. My attitude to her wanes from scathing to warm when the track changes to Madonna.

Our train has stopped, I don’t know why.

I hang.

Static time.

In potentia time.

Like the seconds between telling someone you love them and their raucous laughter.

Like the moment between feeling the lake, and seeing it.

‘I’m full. I haven’t eaten much today and yet I’m so full I feel like I could vomit.’ I babble almost incomprehensibly standing in front of the lake. Power radiates around us. Am I drinking the power though or is it drinking me? What came first the chicken or the egg? Either way both things are edible.

‘The first time I’ve seen the stars with my naked eyes in years.’ I whisper, the city boy, afraid to raise my voice from wonder. That would make them boring.

Our train is moving again.

I keep meaning to update my profile on OKCupid, mostly to make a friend happy…and okay, shamefully utterly honestly maybe it’s time I was a little more accessible … might help me now, when I feel lonely.

But I baulk at writing a profile. I stare at the text box willing it to fill with prose as witty as Wilde’s. Nothing flow’s. As witty as Wilde? I’m lucky if I’m as vocal as the reduced Shakespeare company. Out, out, brief blog.

Maybe I’m not as certain as I’d like to be, as I should be in myself. Otherwise a profile would be easy.

Things will be easier at the end of the month. When I’ve moved. When I can stop feeling some of the flux in my life.

‘What do you believe brings true happiness?’ The woman jehova’s witness asks me in a warbling voice. I look into the distance, trying to find something profound, something that will cut through the fog I feel around me. A statement to define me and defend me: a shield of words and a blanket of truth.

I finally answer her. ‘That I’m alive. And I can still make decisions and amends. That nothing is final.’ As mantras go it’s not perfect. Yet included in it is the implicit truth that it doesn’t have to be. I’m still alive after all, I can work on it.

Luv to all my readers and friends,

Matt.

(Somewhere between Harpenden and St. Albans)

Once a week, huh? My jokes are getting better as I get older.

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 13:04:07 GMT

So yeah...

First off, I have a new keyboard so I apologise in advance if my spelling is worse than usual. Still working out in my head where all the key's are.

In the two weeks since my last update...I've been mostly house sitting, which may explain things being a little tempestuous with my dad...when he is here, it's for a brief while and we have a lot to talk about.

I went shopping with my friend Claire in Greenwich market...three weeks ago...something like that. Same day I saw the pretty blonde boy on the tube with Jo. Anyway, I didn't have a lot of cash that day...mostly through mismanagement...as opposed to actual feduciary trouble. So I wasn't intending to buy anything...until I saw a guy selling plastic egyptian symbols that he'd made himself.

Now, I've been having a recurring dream involving me praying before an Ankh for about a year...and throughout this year I have continually toyed with buying one...but...the problem is, I wasn't happy spending £30-40 on a piece of jewelry which marks me as a goth, or a spiritualist, to say nothing about the fact that it was the symbol I wanted, the symbol that was important...not the fact that it was jewelry. The fact it was wearable and pretty was nice...but it wasn't the point, the...most important feature.

Greenwich market, then, jet black, lightweight, just fits in the palm of my hand. 50p. So I bought my Ankh, finally...and an old unused black bootlace later it hangs above my heart and matters just as much to me as anything that is gold or silver. I guess I may now be an agnostic...but I retain some of the protestant's iconoclastic intent...

The meaning is in the world, the symbol's represent that and connect us, remind us...but the meaning and the power is never actually there.

If I were telling this in real life, now I'd stop have a sip of my drink and say sorry for rambling about my beliefs and spiritality. Fanatics are scary after all, whqatever they believe...not that I think I am one...

::sighs, smiles:: Went to Bedford, saw my ex flatmate. Slept on his floor. Was nice to get out of London for a few day's. He's got an empty flat (with spare beds!) there next week and as it takes me as long to get to work from there as here...I think I'm going to go stay with him.

The Universe has been giving me big frickin signals to travel and hey...when it's the universe you kinda have to listen.

I'm about thirty pages from the end of American Gods, the first Neil Gaiman book I've read in five years or so, and I've loved it so much that I'm buying Anansi Boys when I get to the station in half an hour or so.

So my hair...which I've decided I won't cut til after my friends wedding in two months time...was down to my lips when I got out of the bath today. I frankly find this amazing as it's the longest it's ever been and after a comment by my ex flatmate that it's starting to remind him of Paul McGann...I'm toying with the idea of extending the cutting date to 2007...which will make a whole year without a hair cut. My first since I was a nipper.

I have a new user icon, that I took the time to make and as it's pretty and arty it will be my defualt for a while. Plus I lurve John Constantine. Okay, I'm starving and need to go eat. Before I do I leave a meme that canhopefully be enjoyed by everyone...hehe...

Stolen from: themissmarquis

A. Pick 16 of your favorite movies.
B. Then pick one of your favorite quotes from each movie.
C. Post the quotes in your journal.
D. Have those on your friends list try to guess what the movie is.
E. Strike out the quote once it has been correctly identified and place the guesser’s username directly after the quote.

1)Do, or do not. There is no try.

2)I say we take off and nuke the planet from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

3)Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile!

4)It's better to burn out than to fade away!

5)Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.

6)The world changes, we do not; therein lies the irony that finally kills us.

7)I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost in time, like tears...in rain. Time to die.

8)Even with my eyes wide open I can't see a thing.

9)If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn. People die. But real love is forever.

10)No, it's not. It's fucking Sunday. And I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours 'cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY?

11)Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

12)... you lost everything in that battle. Everything you had, everything you were. How did you go on?

13)You know what wakes me up in the middle of the night covered in a cold sweat? Knowing that you aren't any worse than anyone else in your whole screwed up generation. In the old days, you know how you got to the top? Huh? By being better than the guy ahead of you. How do you people get to the top? By being so fucking incompetent, that the guy ahead of you can't do his job, so he falls on his ass and congratulations, you are now on top. And now the top is down here, it used to be up here... and you don't even know the fucking difference.

14)You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

15)It's strange how pulling a trigger is easier than playing the guitar. Easier to destroy, than to create.

16)Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper? On his way down past each floor, he kept saying to reassure himself: So far so good... so far so good... so far so good. How you fall doesn't matter. It's how you land!

Right,now I have to get to work...

Luv,
Matt

'Cause I have updated once a month for like three months and it is not good enough...

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 08:35:28 GMT

If nothing else? My memory is so bad. Well, it's not bad, in fact it's pretty amazing. It's just...

Heh. It continues to be a point of debate for which I don't know the answer: Is it better to have a bad memory, and know you have a bad memory...or to have a pretty good memory, but one you know isn't perfect?

Point one: Did you send me that letter on Tuesday? Erm...hang on...ehh...I can't remember. It's not here so I must have.
Point two: Did you send me that letter on Tuesday? I remember writing it, enveloping it, stamping it...but I don't remember if I took it to the post box...I'll have to search...

Point is...my memory is good...but I get frustrated by it's lack of perfection sometimes...by the fact it can recall so much ultimately trivial stuff...but my sort code? I can only ever remeber five digits of perfectly.

::sighs::

Wow, I did have a rant in me and here I thoguht I was too mellow and achy for it.

Oh yeah, talk about relief...I must have pulled something and then slept wierdly cause yesterday...the muscles from my neck to my hip down my left hand side were killing me...still it seems to be ok now barring the odd twinge.

So things I don't want to forget: Walking to the top of Greenwich park with Claire, Jo and Rose. Going on the Cutty Sark with Claire. The second innaugral Squee meet hosted by the fabtastic who_la_hoop. Plastic prawn and pirate dalek especially. Dancing and singing to Tundra with aniiksa. Going on the ceasefire march this last weekend. CAPTAIN PLANET! Playing D & D again. Seeing that crazy German Glam Rock band who were...entertaining...getting to go to my brother's going away do. The blonde boy I saw on the tube with snoopyjo (And the dirty looks his mother/wife/sister/girlfriend was giving me)...he might have been oblivious but she wasn't. Oooh. His teeth, well the slightly pointier canines, yes I have a vampire thing. Getting a new laptop. Helping a friend when she needed it.

Things I could stand to forget(but probably won't): Making an arse of myself in front of Gordon a few weeks ago. Being sick in Starbucks after the Squee meet on Sunday. Not knowing how to defuse things with Kier and Jess on Saturday. Hearing the regret and anger in my Brother's voice when we said goodbye.

I'm sure there's more...but I've dallied here as long as my need for caffeinne will allow...

So I go. And leave this resolution, to update at least once a week...

Luv y'all,

Matt.

Excessive meme-ness. And a few notes about my life...

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 09:13:04 GMT

Hello everyone!

::grins:: Considering some of this meme stuff is maybe even months old...I'll do that first and put it behind a cut. Loads of Meme-ness to come after it...

Firstly:

This is how it works: Comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal, including an explanation what the word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those who want to play along.

My friend Steph has given me an F. Were I less secure I'd wonder if she mean't to add a U after it as well. :P

1)Fandom - It's the collective noun for the best pub on Earth, where everyone marches to a drum, that if not entirely in tune with your heartbeat, is in more or less the same key. It continually offers my brain and heart and soul a place where even if I don't interact with it...I can sit quietly and never feel like an outsider. For looking, for thinking about and for loving fictional things.

2)Flirting - From a dry chuckle and a raised eyebrow to a mad grin and a gentle touch...something that can be so much fun. The slow, shy interaction with words and glances...the odd touch...trying to communicate so much by saying so little. A game, an art, the beggining of a bruised heart.

3)Falling - I have many mistresses...with gravity being probably the most physically painful. I have sprained a wrist, both ankles, torn a ligament in my right knee, fractured my left leg and gotten nerves trapped between my pelvis and right leg. Oh and a split eyebrow and a concussion as well. All through tripping over, stumbling through, or jumping off things...and yeah...you guessed it...falling to earth in a less than dignified manner. Sometimes I look on my lack of grace as a terrible flaw because it means I'm forever uncertain where I stand...at other times I think it's a a beautiful thing...because it has given me so much certainty that whatever may befall my body...I can keep going.

4)Fairies - ::sigh:: Something I wish were real. I just like the idea of little spirits that coexist with us. Plus, on a really silly, and slightly lazy, note my mum would always say: "Well, who do you expect to tidy that away? The Lego fairy?" Damnit, yes.

5)Face paint - ...Two things. One, I am obsessed sometimes with stagecraft in general, and costumes and makss specifically. Two, my mum...bacj when she was struggling to pay her way through her degree in Fine Art...used to spend the Summer holiday's in the big park near where we live Face Painting all the children. I used to go with her on my bike, and she'd paint my face at the start of the day. She'd joke about the truth that I was her advertising...For two to three years...from 8-10 I spent all Summer long in that park, with so many different designs on my face. So, the smell of it...the feel of it on my skin...is a truly powerful sense memory, to one of the times we were closest...and the last period of my life where I was truly truly innocent.

6)Family - A Big Thing. But what does it mean to me? Well, I've learnt and firmly believe that family is not strictly bound up in blood and genes. Or it shouldn't be. It's more than that, it's about love..and maybe that's why I don't think it has all that much to do with genes. Heh. But seriously? I don;t believe there's such a thing as a normal family, and by including my friends...I guess I'm finally happy with mine. It only took 23 years.

7)Fighting - I am a pacifist. I might like violent character's and be a big fan of fight scenes in movies...especially martial arts...but that has more to do with beauty and acrobatics than it does with pain. Being a pacifist doesn't mean I'm unwilling to fight though, it just means that when I fight it will always be with words and non violent methods.

8)Freedom - Such a broad concept, such a difficult to pin down ideal...what does freedom mean to me? It means wearing what I want to, talking about what I want to, loving WHOever I want to...and watching the sun go down at the end of a day with a smile instead of a frown.

9)Fuck - Aside from the physical act itself...however fun or dissapointing that might turn out to be...one of the single most versatile words that I think I know. Yes, it's also very rude. I've used it as far back as I can remember...and I don't know when I'll stop.

10)Faith - "People found they needed to believe in Gods, If only because it was so hard to believe in other people." - Pyramids by Terry Pratchett. Having a faith - and just the concept of faith - is something I've had issues with for as long as I can remember. I won't believe in any God that thinks one group of people should be priveleged over another or allows their followers to commit evil or violent acts in their name. I choose instead to have faith in my species, in humanity as a whole, that even though we may get things wrong, even though in larger groups our ideas may not be sound - there is hope for us all that one day we may celebrate our shared strengths and forgive our despised differences. Which is why I'm a humanist agnostic. As Mulder's poster said for 9 years: "I want to believe!"...I just haven't seen a whole lot of things that if I put my faith in I'd be happy being a part of.

Secondly:

I escaped from the Dungeon of Mercury127!

I killed Themissmarquis the cockatrice and Snoopyjo the cockatrice.

I looted the Armour of Scotland, the Sword of America, the Wand of Matt Murdock, a Figurine of Aniiksa, the Dagger of the Number 127, the Crown of Nonsensicaljive, the Sword of Vampires, the Dagger of Lumossolarum, the Armour of Never Mind the Buzzcocks and 15 gold pieces.

Score: 140

Explore the Dungeon of Mercury127 and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

Thirdly(This one stolen from: lone_star_aggie ):

List 4 of your favourite television shows. Then answer the questions below.
1. Buffy The Vampire Slayer
2. Doctor Who
3. Queer As Folk
4. The X Files.

1. Who is your favourite character from #2?
Why, the Doctor of course!

2. Who is your least favourite character from #4?
The little conjoined twin the circus episode that detached itself and murdered people. That episode scared the hell out of me.

3. What would a crossover between #1 and #4 include?
...A lot of torch action in a cemetary and Rupert Giles being arrested for being a part of a shadowy organisation? Spike and Krycek taking a road trip and snarking at each other all the way?

4. Who is your favorite ship from #2?
Just as a relationship, not a romantic one? Ace/Seven/Benny. I have a thing for triangles. Alternatively for a more romantic 'ship...Nine/Rose, and Jack/Nine/Rose or pretty much Jack/Anything.

5. If you were to set one person from #3 and one person from #1 on a blind date, who would they be?
Andrew and Vince. Seriously, two gay uber geeks who have forever been living in someoene elses shadow...damn you plot bunnies get out of my head!

6. If you could meet one person from #4 and spend the day with them, who would it be, and what would you do?
Alex Krycek probably...and...go somewhere top secret...or just road trip it and threaten Mulder a little...

7. If you could change one thing about #2's plotline, what would you change?
...No Catherine Tate at Christmas?

8. Explain a relationship between two people (not necessarily romantic) from show #1, and why you like the relationship between them.
Hrmmmm. Okay...Buffy and Willow. For the first five years or so...had a perfect two mates who are different yet complimentary thing going on. I love the way Willow's threatened by Faith spending time with Buffy in season three for example...or the fact that Buffy was probably the first person Willow told about Tara...likewise Willow just knew...she isn't told...just knows...when Buffy has slept with Angel.

9. If the lead title characters (first names in the credits) from #1 and #3 were both drowning, and you could only save one, who would it be?
Buffy or Stuart Jones? Buffy with the super strength? Or Hot gay sex on legs Irishman? Yeah, sorry Buff, you can swim to shore...

10. If you could change the title characters' order in the credits for #2, what order would you choose?
Hmmm...I wouldn't really...well, maybe I'd put in for recurring character's sometimes...like with the fifth appearanc of Mickey this year...

11. If you were able to add a new character, any kind of character you wanted, to the storyline for #2, what would the character be like and what would their role be?
Captain Jack damnit!!

12. What happened in your favourite episode of show #2?
Jack snogged Rose and the Doctor, the Doctor kissed Rose (Insert old schooler's scream: He was just transferring vortex energy! He was!)...and Eccles...was just fantastic.

13. If you could kill off one of the characters of #1, who would it be and how would you do it?
Riley. Riley. Riley. Riley. Bloody captain cardboard. And what the hell...for an old in joke...I'd beat him to death with a copper pole...:P

14. If you got the chance to visit the set for either show #3 or show #4, which would you choose?
The X Files. I'd sit in Mulder's office chair and just...squee!

15. So, I saved the best for last. If you could date anyone from any of these shows, which show and which person? Date? Not one night stand? {robably Wince Tyler from QaF. Cause...he's cute, and a Doctor Who nerd...and as self deprecating as I can be sometimes.It's either him or Cap'n Jack. But then, there's always Cap'n Jack.
_________________________________________________________________

Show #1

01. The first character I first fell in love with: Really loved? With the burning passion an all that? Take a guess why don't you, ducks? That's right. He's big, broody and uses more hair gel than anyone who doesn't have an alternative glue really should...your grandsire and mine...Peaches...Angel.

02. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Wesley Wyndham Pryce.

03. The character everyone else loves that I don't: Darla. I respect her and like the character...but I don't get a kick out of her.

04. The character I love that everyone else hates: 'everyone' is such a broad term...::sighs:: Spike. Or Wesley. Or Spike/Wesley.

05. The character I used to love but don't any longer: Buffy.

06. The character I would shag anytime: ...Spike...

07. The character I'd want to be like: Tara. Or Giles.

08. The character I'd slap: RILEY!

09. Pairings that I love: Spike/Angel, Buffy/Angel, Willow/Tara, Xander/Cordelia.

10. A pairing that I despise: Hmmm...the one pairing I hate above all others...would have to be...The Master/Anyone.

Show #2
01. The first character I first fell in love with: The Doctor!

02. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Jackie Tyler!

03. The character everyone else loves that I don't: ...There's not really any character's I've disliked. Even Evil!Trigger had his moments...

04. The character I love that everyone else hates: D-A-L-E-K-S!

05. The character I used to love but don't any longer: Pete...I think.

06. The character I would shag anytime: Nine, Ten or Jack...one at a time or all together...:D

07. The character I'd want to be like: Rose Tyler.

08. The character I'd slap: Cap'n JAck. Well slap'n'tickle that is...:D

09. Pairings that I love: Nine/Rose, and Jack/Nine/Rose or pretty much Jack/Anything.

10. A pairing that I despise: I'm not fond of Doctor/Reinette or Doctor/Jackie

So other than memes...how am I?

Right now I'm a little tired, trying to get my sleeping hours back to 11-7 as opposed to 1 or 2-9. Just so I can be more foccussed at work, spend less of it wandering in a daze.

Maybe I'm a little down because of the dream I had as well...I had like two years of my life in one night...wherin I managed to quit working for my Dad, got published as an author...met an old school friend...found out we had lots more in common...started a relationship with him...fell in love...got engaged...split up...all leading up to my twenty fifth birthday. It wasn't all happiness either, in case it seems that way...it was...life...and now I'm starting to hope I'm not a precog. 'cause I'd hate it if I knew when I was gonna get proposed to, that'd take all the fun out of it.

::Shrugs:: Ah well.

I'm writing more...and...crap. Phone, work, have to go...

Luv,

Matt.

"Take me out...tonight..."

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 09:38:07 GMT

I feel like a walking cadaver right now.

My head hurts. my legs hurt, my arms hurt...I don't want to speculate on the taste in my mouth.

But gosh darnit...Yesterday...was so much...

FUN.

I will post more when I've rehydrated...eaten...and possibly slept for another 36 hours.

Loff,

Matt.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 20:49:52 GMT

Ahem.

Yes.

So, yesterday was the first meeting of a group of Doctor Who fangirls, and this fanboy, called the Cult of Squee. They're all fantastic people and I;m so so glad I went. The prime requisite for membership? An adoration of Doctor Who and a desire to want to bed at least David Tennant if not Christopher Ecclestone and John Barrowman as well.

I had a really really good time, even if I was hungover as hell this morning. Seriously, I wasn't aware that I'd toned down my alcohol consumption that much in recent years. Been listening to Towers of London a lot recently and one line in particular is sticking with me right now about being punk and middle aged:

"I don't care; too much 'bout destruction! Just care that my body can't function!"

I so nearly didn't go as well...but my small reserve of courage won through and...yay...was great fun. Looking forwards to the next meet with relish and more than that, cosidering I'm providing alcohol.

Oh and Iw as dubbed the Librarian of Squee too. Which somehow fits considering a) my memory for details and b) the fact that I almost have a library of Doctor Who related stuff.

Other than that...what have I been up to? Started table top battegaming, in a game called Necromunda, yet again with my old friends...and so far I've had a defeat that was nearly a victory and a victory that feels like a defeat. It's been wierd. Part of it I'm sure is that I'm fielding a new group and I'm just not used to their new tactics yet. I'll give it time though. They're called Pirate Rock all being named after either female rock'n'roll stars, pirates, or both. My leader is called Morgan and she's a Captain. This has led to shouts of: "I hate Captain Morgan!" "Yes, but what about the game?" ::silly grin::

So yes...I've more or less been geeky as hell as well as partying and ooh...

Friday, met my friends from Uni...and aside from being distracted and tired...had a wicked time...ate some lovely lovely food...and then randomly joined a que...for what we discovered was an open air festival/performance art piece in Greenwich Park.

My friend Jo was feeling sick so she didn't come into see it...but Claire and I stood and watched what we think were performances of three of the four elements. It was mondo neat.

And proof that my horoscope might have been onto something for a change. Heh. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life in the broad sense right now...and I'm so far rather unbothered by that fact. Not entireley, but mostly.

So...considering this entry has been nothing but a smattering of what I've been up to and geeky thoughts I'll finish on one as well...ddin't realise ComiCon was this weekend but I'm so so going. Nathan Fillion! Alan Tudyk! JOHN BARROWMAN! SQUEE!

Sorry. ::calms down, mostly, grinning::

Hope everyone else is having a good day, love to you all,

Matt.

Oh and I'm so ripping X Men 2 to do a slash vid for IceMan and Pyro. Yes I'm slightly bored and over inspired.

OH! And I just started watching Supernatural...but it is fab fab fab. Though I struggle to slash them as they are brother's and sometimes remind me of me and my brother and...gaaaaah. Capiche?

Finally, Jo? You put your keys in your bag...just reminding you. :P

"Now that...that was fun. Oh...don't tell me that wasn't fun!"

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 10:20:22 GMT

::Blushes at not having updated seriously in a while, and at not really sleeping for the last few nights either.::

::grins::"Hahaha...God it's been so long since I had a decent spot of" partying "really puts things in perspective."

So yeah...my dad's been away this week...and I've been respecting my sacred housesitting duties...by having as many people round as possible and just pretty much partying my arse off.

Heh. It was a good time but bloody hell do I feel discombobulated right now. Still feel like it should be Tuesday, not Friday. Ah well. It was fun. ::lazy grin::

Looking forwards to tonight...if I can get my act together and work isn;t a pain in the arse I should meet my much beloved Uni mates.

So...yeah...better get me act together.

Hope everyone else is alright, if not, leave me anote and I'll buy you a drink.

Right. Got to go to work, ::boots up MP3 on Ipod, begins singing:: "Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention But I did .. what I had to do I saw it through without redemption. I planned, each chartered course, Each careful step along the highway, And more, much more than this, I did it my WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

::Sighs::

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 20:37:54 GMT

I'm tired.

And really pissed off at my computer for buggering up last night and tonight and ruining me roleplaying with two different people...and leaving me...ultimately...alone.

And now my media player is playing Bonnie Tyler's Holding Out For A Hero. ::wide eyes::

Spooky and depressing on every note. ::hits shuffle::

I'm sure I'd be feeling better if Doctor Who had been good...but that was very meh as well.

But I know why I'm down right now. It's because I'm alone...and argh.

This. Isn't. Helping. This. Is. Probably. Wallowing.

Right going to go eat pasta, drink wine, and try and pass out. Try having a day of virtue tommorow. See if that makes me feel better.

Luv y'all,

Matt.

Continuation...and yet...no resolution.

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 22:04:31 GMT

That last entry?

Take it mostly as rant/emotional expungemnt. I'm pretty darn calm now. Still didn't get to talk to my Dad but I'm not all that bothered by it anymore.

I's finally cold...er. Look, the point is, I don't feel like clothing is an unbearable option anymore. Although as I'm wearing ripped jeans and a ripped t shirt there's a certain argument that this isn't really clothing.

::shrugs:: Oh well it works for me right now.

Currently listening to the Due South theme. Pleasant thoughts. Heh...Fraser could 'Mounty' me anytime...

::hides face in hands:: I know it was a bad joke, it's been a long day, leave me alone.

K. Going to bed now,

Sweet dreams everyone.

Matt.